I Quit Quitting

 

It's something I said to to a coworker back when I worked at a job last October. And it signaled a relapse for drinking alcohol that I'm still dealing with today. It's been nearly 10 months since I started drinking alcohol again… and it hasn't really done me any favors. While it did put me in good standing with everyone at the bar (sorta)… It put me in negative standing with every member of my family. Mainly My Wife, My Parents, and the cats. While Matchy and Ash understand that I have to go out and do a man's work… Hunting / Gathering… I don’t know if what I've been hunting and searching for has paid off. At the end of the day it really is just us in a room with the animals. I can't protect everyone… even if I tried to. People are going to make their own bed at the end of the day.

 

I'm not really sure why I am giving someone I know the book The Satanic Versus by Salman Rushdie. Personally I felt like it was a cursed book because once I started reading it my life fell into debauchery. I want to be rid of it I guess… and given that it has to do with the Muslim faith, I felt he might be an appropriate person given his talks on Satanism and Islam. If I gave it to a priest he'd probably dispose of it… I could very well throw it out… but I don’t really want to throw out that kind of book. It's a one off collectable and it may very well get him out of hot water one day. Maybe not…. But just maybe.

 

I went 99 days of no smoking and then the pressure got to me. A friend had a heart issue and another friend died almost within the same weekend. I smoked cigarettes but not in a hey this is cool sort of way. More so in a "My chest is heavy" sort of way. Things could be worse I suppose…. But to be honest I need to kick the addiction. That's why i got Nicotine Patches again. Originally i bought step 3 patches, but i found that after a day or so i was taking them off for a pack of cigarettes. Now i have Step 2 patches and I'm hoping they work out. Its just that, an addiction. It's not easy to quit something you are chemically addicted to. Even the best intentions fall flat at certain moments. I guess the trick is to pick yourself up and keep trying. You don’t learn to run without learning to walk first… Marijuana isn't the problem… Booze and tobacco are. If I could replace booze and tobacco with exercise and making money… I'd probably be a millionaire in the next 5 years… then my wife wouldn't have to work anymore… and we'd be well on our way to owning a home.

 

I have several avenues for income.

 

1.) Ramblings of a Schizo (Book)

2.) A Random Sampling… (Book)

3.) TAMichaels.com (Blog)

4.) GetHighRI.com (Blog)

5.) Uber Driving (Self Employed)

6.) Day Job (Weekly Paychecks & Benefits)

7.) AncientThinkers.com (Etsy Store)

 

The trick now is to actually have these avenues start generating income. Easier said than done…. 

 

That's why I'm thinking one year off… from at least the booze and tobacco. The cost of a pack of cigarettes is going up to $16.00 in a couple of weeks. And 16.00 x 365 = 5,840. Its kind a nuts to think that I'd spend that much of my yearly salary on a vice that is specifically designed to kill you. It's slow suicide… and for anyone with a death wish it seems like a great option…  My wife hates it though. The cost, the smell, the taste, and while I may not value my life much… I value her opinion of me greatly. Even if I rarely admit it.

 

That's about all I have for today. In a few months i should have the results of the NeuroPsych Eval that i took back in March. I'm hoping that finally puts to bed if I'm Schizoaffective... or just a mad genius.