T.A. Michaels

 Right now.... it is the little things that are getting me through the day. I know i have the love and support of Katie... and i am really hoping that this coming week brings with it an better wind for my sails to catch. I just need something to give to get us to the next step. What exactly that is, i'm not sure yet. But i am hoping that it comes in gently and sticks around for a while, rather than an overwhelming force that knocks me down the moment it hits. Although... fate twisting and being so good that it knocks me on my ass would be pretty cool. 

 The truth is... I'm worried about the future. It would seem like the end of my 3rd 13 year cycle is really more about closing one chapter and beginning to look towards a new future. I'm starting to think in terms of "Where do it want to be at 53?" The end of my 4th 13 year cycle. If I want to be in a position where i'm of sound mind and body... financially stable... and on solid ground... The changes need to be made today... rather than sometime off in the future.  Over the last 13 years (My drinking years).... I've been in rough shape despite having some of the best opportunities presented to me. Drugs and Alcohol really do fuck a persons life up... No matter what age you start trying them. But... can a soul be redeemed from the darkness once it's gone down the downward spiral to the pit of depression and addiction? I don't know.... but to hell with waiting around for things to change on their own... If they are going to change... it's going to b...

 Our cat Ash is watching out the window patiently  waiting for Katie to come home from work. I'm basically doing the same today. I was waiting on a phone call today which only has about another 45 minutes of happening. Because if it doesn't happen today, I don't know if it ever will. I think I've been blacklisted from IT in the State of Rhode Island due to the fact I've worked for 8 or so Managed Service Providers over the last 10 years and my reputation is far from stellar. It's not that i did bad work... it's more so that each company has it's only portion to hide and me being an insider could be a threat to their organizations. Or at least, that's my guess. We only have enough money for next months rent... After that it's gonna be chaotic around the house and in our lives. My hallucinations have been acting up far worse that usual. I was out in public and heard a woman yell out FRAUD like she was angry at me... even though i have no idea who s...

 So, seeing as I'm now out of work again I figure my current system isn't working. If i want to be successful in business and in life, then i need to get my basics down. Recently, I've started making sheets on excel to track what I'm doing everyday. they range everything from Diet and exercise to mood and symptoms. If i don't start tracking this stuff then I'm never going to make progress. While it's easy to put these items into practice using 1000s of apps... i found that just writing it all down on a few excel spreadsheets and tracking it by hand several times a day is a lot easier to remember. And it gets me off my phone. Lately I've be "Doom Scrolling" without any real purpose and what ends up happening is eventually the AI algorithm starts showing me videos of people dying in car crashes. Not exactly what makes me happy ya know. So I've got my lists and that's what I'll be working on for the foreseeable future while i attempt t...