T.A. Michaels

 No sooner did i mention that I have a new job, was i laid off for excessive days off. It's really for the birds. Here i am a disabled person who wants to work... and I've had an incredibly hard time hold down a job this year. Whether it be manic episodes due to the medication my doctor put me on, or the company pulling a bait and switch and finding due to that I'm not qualified for the position, to being out sick a couple of days and getting let go... this year has been terrible. While I've had frequent thoughts of a permanent "Out" for myself from this life... it would seem like a waste to get from an unsuccessful suicide attempt in 2008 to giving it another go 17 years later. I feel like if i survived the first attempt... then i must be here on this planet for some reason so i need to make the best of my time. Even in poor health, an optimistic attitude can make the difference between healing or not.   I don't know what my plan is now. But, i know that ...

 I recently started a new job at the beginning of September and my body and mind have been through the ringer since I started. The job itself is good, fairly low stress and a good team of people... But for some reason every time i start a new job i end up catching the office cold. During the first week on the job my Gallbladder (which has been giving me issues since last year) decided to start acting up. While it could be a lot worse, i am just grateful that that is calming down. This past weekend however, when UBER driving on Sunday, I started to feel a sharp pain in my back which can be linked to one of four things - Stress, Muscle spasm, Gallbladder Disease, or a Heart Attack. My initial thoughts were that the issue was a heart attack after sitting for an extended period of time, but that turned out to not be the case. The pain went away on Tuesday and started to get better and now i only feel slight pain if i twist the wrong way... so im chalking that up to a muscle spasm. Tues...

  It's something I said to to a coworker back when I worked at a job last October. And it signaled a relapse for drinking alcohol that I'm still dealing with today. It's been nearly 10 months since I started drinking alcohol again… and it hasn't really done me any favors. While it did put me in good standing with everyone at the bar (sorta)… It put me in negative standing with every member of my family. Mainly My Wife, My Parents, and the cats. While Matchy and Ash understand that I have to go out and do a man's work… Hunting / Gathering… I don’t know if what I've been hunting and searching for has paid off. At the end of the day it really is just us in a room with the animals. I can't protect everyone… even if I tried to. People are going to make their own bed at the end of the day.   I'm not really sure why I am giving someone I know the book The Satanic Versus by Salman Rushdie. Personally I felt like it was a cursed book because once I started r...

So, today marks 61 days since last smoking a cigarette. That's 5 days off of the Nicotine Replacement Therapy (Patches) and I haven't slipped. While this should be a major accomplishment for me, I'm just disappointed that this didn't take place back in 2021 when i initially started to attempt to quit smoking cigarettes. The Money saved over the last 4 years would have been tremendous and it likely would have prevent a whole slew of terrible things from happening over the last few years. Being addicted to Cigarettes is dangerous and the length that people go through to attempt to justify their addictions is ridiculous. Considering Cigarettes cost over $5,000 a year to be a pack a day smoker here in New England... i could have stood to keep the $20,000 that i spent on cigarettes over the last 4 years. What i am doing is finding that I'm having a bit less "Get up and go" and I'm also gaining weight at a rather shitty pace. I know that its just the "a...

 A lot has changed over the last few months. I briefly had a job after returning from Disability, but i found the demands of the job were something that i wasn't capable of handling so it didn't work out. I'm still looking to return to the work force, but i don't think I'll be returning at the same level i left it. While i had been a L4 / Supervisor... I think when i return to work i want to come in at an L2 / L3. There is a lot less pressure to perform at that level and it is ultimately less risk for our household. While we need to be making a certain dollar amount each month / I feel that i can make up the difference between my other income sources. I have setup both a T-Shirt Business as well as published a book this year so its in my interest to see those two avenues flourish. I haven't been writing here as consistently as previous years. Truth is I'm spending more of my time writing in either One Note or just a plain old notebook.  Last month, I receive...

 I was reorganizing my desk today and moved my computer and in doing so i heard a pop and felt it in my back. I dont know if i mentioned this before, but sometime last year i was picking up a server at work and when i leaned back with it in my arms, i felt a crunch. My back has been kinda iffy ever since. Other than some mild discomfort and pain, life is good. 

I was outside early today admiring an old birds nest in my neighbors tree. I thought it was interesting because when a bird's nest is left alone all winter, any bird can come back to it in the spring and have their babies there rather than just that one specific bird that first set it up. The nest, looking undisturbed... could have been there for a few years now, and this is the first time I'm noticing it. The part that took my attention the most, wasn't the birds nest, but rather the fact that the tree already had buds on it. It's February 4th... The trees in New England shouldn't have buds on them already. It's too damn cold and the temps shift wildly it'll kill the damn buds and therefore the trees themselves. My book is published and out on amazon. Link below https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DTBTKJ1J

Last week i set out to figure out the Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing process and actually nailed it down. I had written a book last year about my experiences with psychotic episodes based on my personal experience with them. Tracing all the way back to 2008 when i experienced my first one, The book is a first hand account at my struggle to deal with paranoid delusions while maintaining a normal life. Overall its not that long of a read. And I'm hoping that anyone who buys it on Amazon will find hope in it rather than despair. The fact that my first episode was triggered by a suicide attempt in 2008 and here i am 17 years later still alive an kicking is a good thing. If i had to attribute my progress to anything, i would say it was likely my medication and a supportive group of people over the years that helped me get to where i am. If you are interested search "Ramblings of a ..." by T.A. Michaels on Amazon.com after January 25. Have a good day

  It's time for a career change. I have been in the IT industry since 2003 and really don't have much to show for it except a mental condition. I recently started a new job and while it's a great company with great coworkers, I feel I need time out of the IT industry to reset and recharge. Now, I know what you're thinking. This guy just wants to sit on his ass all day and play video games, but it's not true. I've been a registered UBER driver for 10 years now. I've done it on and off when expenses were tight over the years, but I want to do it full time. Why drive, you ask? Well, by nature I'm extroverted, so I enjoy talking to people. UBER gives me the chance to socialize with people I might not normally interact with, and that can be a fun experience. I once met a boat worker that I spent 1 1/2 hours driving to a marina so he could grab a ferry home. It was a long car ride, but it was interesting to learn about his profession. With IT, I've become ...