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Symptom update and the passage of time.

 I've been experiencing some symptoms for the last couple of months. Basically its what i am hearing that i can neither confirm nor deny are real. It happens both at work and at home. It sounds like people are being extremely condescending not to mention the fact that they are speaking and reacting to my thoughts. While this has been ongoing for Several years now I an now questioning whether or now there are even people doing this or if its been a symptom of my psychosis. I was reading an article today that indicated people in early stage psychosis experience an issue where their temporal frontal lobe (where most of the communication is translated in the brain) doesn't work as normal and as a result other areas of the brain (Which aren't designed to do it) end up try to interpret language. This would explain the whole center of the universe complex i have had going on. Its sad that here i am 5 years out from my last major incident and I'm still experiencing symptoms. I  have a new theory which i wish to try out. Basically if people are talking about me, such as my downstairs neighbors... or the other department at work.. I'm going to do my best to give them something to talk about. And by that... steady and continuous self improvement.  

On January 1st I put on a nicotine patch. Today makes day 50 on the patches. I am on step three... and i have roughly 6 days left on the program. I've noticed a whole range of experiences since quitting. For instance an enhanced sense of smell. and my tastes have changed slightly as well. The downside to this is the fact that now I gained about 10-15 pounds in the last few months. I've been more prone to emotional eating that i had previously done. At this point i've been trying to cook more food at home... but other than pasta i've been having a hard time with getting up the motivation to cook. It's a hell of a lot easier to go on grubhub and order from 100s of restaurants rather than have to spend the 15 to 20 minutes to cook. What i need to do is get a decent selection of food in the house. I think too that aligning my food choices with my girlfriends would be the first step. And secondly taking an active interest in cooking. Trying out different food choices and see what works and what doesnt. For instance... lobster Mac and Cheese sounds awesome right now... and if i had to choose to cook that or eat a cheese burger from McDonalds i would rather have the lobster. but which one is the easiest and fastest. 

I'm working on professional development too. Im signed up for some entry level certification exams with a goal of getting a couple of computer certs this year. With time somewhat limited i feel like it makes the most sense to work on these in the middle of everything else. Ultimately i want to return to school for Fall 2021 or spring 2022 for computer science. I am sure that i wouldnt have much of a problem with the degree specific courses... it would be the gen-eds that i would struggle with the most.



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