T.A. Michaels

A rapid change in priorities has me on the fence regarding quitting both Cannabis and Tobacco sooner than the 90 Day minimum as i had originally planned. With that said, going nearly 50 days sober has been good for me. My skin is clearing up (I was prone to acne while drinking beer), and overall my weight is slowly dropping (Down to 226.4lbs from 230lb+ at the start of the journey).  Overall, I am optimistic regarding the situation. I was originally shooting for the 90 day mark with quitting Nicotine entirely, but i feel that it should be something achievable in the next few days. While Cannabis generally costs less (1 8th costing between $15 and $30) vs $16.00 for a single pack of cigarettes. I feel that in the near future it might be worth while to buy a half ounce.... and then when that runs out call it a day on cannabis. (Odd for someone who ran www.gethighri.com, right?) I have formally left my job as of last week. The situation was becoming to dangerous. One guy was constantl...

For some reason I thought things would get easier simply by quitting alcohol, but what I'm finding is that I'm struggling far worse now than when i was having a few drinks on the weekends. I know the old saying goes: "It's always darkest before the dawn." But, as someone who feels like they've been in the dark for years... I'm questioning when twilight will hit and the sunrise will be on the horizon. It's a general sense of restlessness that has taken over to be honest. A sense that what I'm doing isn't what I want to be doing. After the struggles of last year I know that in the worst of scenarios, my wife and I will get through whatever comes our way because we have each other. She knows I'm unhappy. She knows I'm struggling. She knows I want a different life. And I know she is willing to support my decisions whatever they may be.  Something that has dramatically fallen off since I've gotten sober is my personal hygiene. I don'...

This past week was a bit hard for me. Recently, after a mental health episode, i had met with my Mental Health Nurse Practitioner to discuss some things that were going on with me. She told me something that I've had a hard time wrapping my head around. She indicated that I may have been miss diagnosed when i was 23. My symptoms present more like Dissociative Identity Disorder rather than Schizo-affective Disorder. After some time reflecting on this, I believe she is right. When i was little, there were a few traumatic experiences that i lived through and based on what happened immediately afterwards, i would assume DID would be a more likely diagnosis. See, with DID, when the mind attempts to protect itself from traumatic experiences, the child or individual will suffer amnesia. And i can remember at least 3 separate instances from early childhood where my memory ends immediately once the trauma began (Remembering the last moment before the abuse occurred) but then during and afte...

It's Friday. This weekend promises to be busy. I am planning on Uber Driving Saturday and Sunday for 8-12 hours each day. Tomorrow morning I have to clean and prep my car before hitting the road. While I am looking forward to the added income, I know I'll probably be in a bad mood by the end of the weekend. Oddly enough, I've found that money is an awesome motivator, but when I have none my mood fluctuates dramatically. I think its the fact that im working 40 hours (plus 10 hours driving each week) and by payday I have no money left to my name.  I know it has caused a lot of tension between me and my wife, but the problem is the cost of living in Rhode Island (As well as the rest of the North East) is too damn high. I would blame it on my wife's career choices... but i know thats not the root cause. With inflation up nearly 40% since the beginning of the Covid Pandemic in 2019, its hard to remain optimistic when my income hasn't gone up by 40% over the same time per...

Its been quite a few days with mild reflection on recent events. I haven't ended up quitting smoking yet, but i feel like im inching closer to pulling the trigger on quitting Cigarettes for good. The cost of a pack of Marlboro's has exceeded $16.50 at most stores in Rhode Island and that is directly online with minimum wage. While it wouldn't be a problem if I only smoked when I drank (which im no longer drinking) The problem becomes the days I buy two packs of cigarettes. (Or more). Spending $33 dollars... or spending $48.50 on cigarettes in a single day is unreasonable and ultimately where I need to draw the line. Which i feel is what is prompting me to quit sooner than later. If for nothing else than the cost savings.  Things at work haven't been that great lately. The monday before my vacation one of my coworkers called me a Fag. (It doesnt mean you like men, it just means your weak - paraphrasing his words of course). And yesterday when onsite at a client's loc...

Overall I had a good vacation. I got most of the stuff accomplished that I wanted to, as well as had time to relax. Being 15 Days sober as of today, I have found that I am much happier when I'm not drinking (or going through withdrawals) than when i am drinking. This coming week at work promises to be busy. I'll be spending most of Monday Morning going through e-mails and getting caught up on this past week. Then by the afternoon, I'll be off to the races. My next Scheduled Vacation day is my Birthday in November. Between now and then I believe we have labor day off, but that is about it. Maybe columbus Day, but I am not to sure about that.  Over the next few months i do have to take a couple of afternoons off for medical reasons. I am getting an ultrasound on my gallbladder to see if my internal organs are doing OK. I'm prone to gallstones so my doctor ordered the scan. Either i've got a bad gallbladder, as they will be able to detect, or I'm healthy... Either ...