T.A. Michaels

So... Yesterdays goals failed miserably. So today I am starting fresh. My goal is to get a job in 30 days that has health insurance so that way I don't run out of my medication in November. The last thing we need is me completely out of my head because I the last time that happened I challenged Donald Trump to a dick measuring contest in Washington D.C. on Facebook Live (2017). So... rather than becoming an enemy of the state, I'd prefer to remain on my medication. But, the job hunt hasn't gone to well. I haven't had any leads lately and what I am finding is there is 100 applicants for the jobs I'm applying for. So what used to be a good job market has diminished entirely. So i am thinking about other industries i can get into. And not even on a tech level. More so thinking about trying to learn a trade. Tradesmen are in high demand. And it pays pretty well. So that might be the avenue I go down. In the mean time I'm going to continue Uber Driving so that the bi...

I've made the decision to quit cannabis. Firstly, I found out that cannabis actually can cause cancer thanks in part to some of the Carcinogens in it and considering I've been a cigarette and cannabis smoker since I was a teenager, it only makes sense to try quitting now during my 40th year of life rather than waiting another 10 years. I am actively working on switching to Zyn's because Nicotine - While still a poison - it isn't as deadly as just cigarettes.  I've begun working out again. I'm going to a 24/7 gym and working out before my Uber Shift. Overall it's good. Not many people in the gym, and I am doing about a 30 minute strength training session. What i need to do now is start investing in Protein Shakes to have after the gym. After working out, I am getting into the habit of working overnight. My goal is a 6 day on / 1 day off schedule at least until i can get a stable job again. I figure once i go the required 30 days to Piss Clean, i am going to t...

I'm getting ready for work. I'm hoping tonight will be a better night that last night. I am planning to go out around 6:00pm tonight and work until 5:00am tomorrow morning. I need to make up for lost wages from last night, and at this point every dollar counts. We have 7 more days to make rent. Otherwise the 20th is going to be a really sad day for us. I was hoping to have rent paid in full by Friday... but considering we have our Taxes, and my car payment coming up Wednesday and Friday, i don't see how that is going to happen. I swear Donald Trump weaponized the NSA against me. It's the only logical answer according to Occam's Razor. I'm still half asleep. If we pull this off it will be nothing short of a major feat. Then in a day or two... and we can start moving in the right direction.

Everything's fucked. 

So, I failed miserably at attempting to quit smoking. First, the urge to smoke was too much even with a Nicotine patch on. So last night when I was driving I ended up buying a pack of Cigarettes and taking the patch off. I figure i am going to go with Zyn's as an acceptable replacement for smoking. I gives the Nicotine fix.... but removes the smell of smoking with is preferred in a car full of Uber passengers.  I have decided to quit smoking cannabis though. My wife and I talked yesterday and she said that it makes me "Mean." Stating that I'm not as kind as when i met her and that she wouldn't have married me if i was a mean person 4 years ago. Considering I have a cousin going into Rehab in the near future for Alcohol and Cannabis use.... It only makes sense that I should curb the problem. I don't think I need rehab. I think a year ago I did.... but I was able to quit alcohol on my own so it stands to reason that I should be able to quit Cannabis on my own as...

I feel out of it. Like i didn't get enough sleep last night. My vision is a little weird too. Going from Focused to Unfocused and back to focused. It's not the best. In fact it's not great at all really. I can't drive for Uber like this.... but I'm telling myself that its just because I got up too early (The last 3 days I was waking up after 2pm and today i woke up at 11am). When I woke today my intention was to go Uber Driving... but that sorta faded after washing my car and realizing that Day Light is extremely bright. So I came back home and started my Laundry.  Day 1 of the Patch. I basically tossed all remaining Nicotine items that I had and threw the patch on this morning. 55 More days to go until I'm nicotine free. I am planning on Avoiding Nick-A-Nee's for the next week or so. No sense in being around other smokers when I'm not smoking. It's similar to how I quit Drinking... I Abstained for about a week before I went back to make sure there w...

We might just be able to pull it off. I'm averaging about $240 a night... And my wife is averaging about $100 per day. So i think we are going to be able to make it. I am down 1.2Lbs from yesterday. I think the combination of not eating and no drinking alcohol is finally leading to weight loss. The problem.... due to taking respiridone for nearly 18 years means that my stomach is shrinking but my chest isnt. I'm sure in public i'm going to hear a lot of "She" or "Lucifer" or "The devil" so in order to get ahead of this i am going to start working out. I figure massive amounts of chest exercises will cause then to turn into Pecks rather than look like I got implants. Today is the last day for Nicotine. I have 11 Zyns left plus the one I am currently using. If i finish them during my shift tonight.... I'll throw on a Nicotine patch and call it a day. If i don't, then whatever I have left over at the end of the night will get tossed and I...

It's Wednesday. I got up a couple of hours ago. When I got up I went to get a coffee, Gas, and came back home to shower. When i weighed myself today i clocked in at 220.6lbs. It's my lowest weight since the start of the pandemic. And it's down nearly 50lbs since my high of 269.8lbs at the end of 2021. Trust me - you don't want to be 270lbs and 5'7 3/4". No one does. I'm optimistic that things will work out. Right now we have 13 days to make rent and we have to pay our cell phone, car payments, and insurance payments in the next 13 days too. With any luck it will work out. If not - We are definitely moving as soon as possible. I won't know until the 20th.  I found that driving for Uber I am averaging about $240 a night... Minus $40 for gas.... and another $10 for coffee, red bull, and Misc supplies... It's about $190 a night... Multiply that by 13 days and it's $2470.... figure that my wife earns about $120 a day.... and she's planning on wor...

I woke up about a half hour ago. Overall last night went well. I am thinking we should have enough money to make all of the bills by the end of the month. It may take a few days to get ramped up to speed. But I feel the plan my wife and I have is solid. I will say though, at 3:46 making the rest of the day worth while seems like its going to take a bit of work. The first thing i can tell you is my mind doesn't have much internal chatter going on. Likely from exhaustion. But That's not necessarily a bad thing. I just hope that by the time i am ready to go to the gym tonight that the brain fog has passed and I'm ready to work out.  My goal is 6 days per week... for about an hour each day. I'm shooting for somewhere between 8:00pm and 10:00pm. I am thinking 5-10 minute warm up, followed by 20-25 minute strength, and then 30 minutes of rowing...   ... I feel a hell of a lot more awake now that I've gotten an Iced Coffee. I have three more days to smoke cigarettes. I fee...

Today is a good day. I've decided to quit THC products rather than quitting Nicotine. I feel the next 90 days would be better spent getting my head clear rather than quitting an addictive substance. With that said, i am planning on quitting both in the near future. For THC Products - I've decided not to buy any more, and I've already thrown out what I had. I feel that as long as I am not in an environment where I am exposed to THC, then i will be able to successfully quit. While I'm not officially quitting until the 90-day sober mark, It makes sense for me to start making the changes now. Most people say Cannabis isn't addictive.... but on the very logic that Nicotine is addictive because it interacts with the Nicotine receptors in the brain.... Then it would stand to reason that cannabis is addictive due to the cannabis receptors in the brain. Over the next several weeks I'll outline any and all withdrawal symptoms I am having. And hopefully you notice a marked...

Today was an early day for me. I was home by dark which here in RI was around 6:15. There was a bit of hope for tomorrow as I caught a few rays of sunshine on the drive home. It looks like this cloudy weather is going to hold up until Saturday - Then it is supposed to clear up for the weekend. I've decided the 90 days is a good method.... but instead of going 90 days sober... 90 days without nicotine... and then debating about pot after the fact. I'm probably going to do 90 days sober... then 90 days without cannabis.... and then decide on the nicotine. I've had too many half hearted attempts at quitting smoking cigarettes and pot over the last 90 days. Because Cannabis makes me chain smoke cigarettes... it would stand to reason that I should quit the one that makes me chain smoke first... then worry about the actual smoking. Plus... i think atleast part of my mood swings can be linked to pot.... so if i eliminate the pot. i might be in better shape as a result. Either way....

 Overall, Today is a good day. I'm taking today off to focus on house chores. The wife and I reached an agreement that she is going to work 6 hours / 6 days per week (Goal $100), and I am going to work 8 hours / 6 days per week (Goal $200). The goal is $1,800 per week. At least until we get ourselves out of the mess we've made.  I have about 12 more days until I quit smoking Cigarettes. Attempts to "ween" down using replacement therapy like Zyn's hasn't been effective. What i found is then I'm using double the Nicotine. So... I'm going to stick to the original plan of quitting Tobacco at the 90 Day Sober mark.  So, I'm preparing myself to be Nicotine free by October 9th. Then, 90 days after that, I'll take a look at my THC Usage and see if i should eliminate it all together, or if i should just cut down to once a week. Exercise has been on my mind a lot lately. Now that i'm not wet brained... I've been wanting to become more physically ...

Over the last 24 hours the rational part of my mind seems to have made a comeback. I'm actually thinking clearly about our situation for the first time in a long time and realizing it might not be so bleak after all. Realistically speaking, even with a large backlog of debts, it should be possible to pull of out of the damage from drinking over the last two years in less than 3 months. If you asked me a week ago, i would have told you our situation was hopeless. But, after today, I'm realizing that the plan I came up with a month ago, is actually a viable plan. I just need to see it through... and now that the windows are clearer, it's easier to see the destination.

I think I broke my hand this weekend. I was angry and frustrated about life so I punched a dumpster. Luckily, if it is broken, I can still type. I still... haven't touched alcohol. It's interesting right, because as the withdrawals from alcohol only take 5-30 days, the mental rewiring of the mind goes on from 6 months to a year after quitting drinking. What I am finding is that the first things that happened when quitting was all the shit in my life I didn't want in my life, I got rid of. Then... I moved on to a phase of wanting to get rid of all the things that were in my life, that I didn't agree with. Now, I'm staring at a clean slate wondering what I want to add to it. Trying to figure out the things that will help us survive and thrive. I'm thinking about becoming a tradesman. Getting out of I.T. all together and doing something like Rigging or Staging. Or, better yet, work in Consulting. About 3 weeks ago I had a woman indicate she might be able to get me ...

So, last night I threw away my Pipe and my weed. So far i haven't raced to the trash to pull the damn shit out so that i can smoke it again. I'm also not racing off to the dispensary to buy more (Even though i know what I would buy). I'm finding that my first few cigarettes of the day are causing severe coughing fits. So i think in terms of needing to "Cut down" on my smoking.... i really do have to cut down on my smoking. Cannabis is the number one thing that makes me cough... so it would make sense to cut down on that first. I know the original plan was to cut down on the Drinking, then the cigarettes, then the Cannabis.... but i think in terms of what's going to be successful, i should cut down on both the cannabis and cigarettes.... But... Do it sooner than the 90 day / 180 day marks that I was originally shooting for. If i quit cannabis today, and shoot to quit Cigarettes sometime in the next few days... I'll save myself a lot of headaches later on in...

Tomorrow, I am going to wake up, and get my laundry done in the morning. I am hoping that i can get it all accomplished early, so that I don't have to worry about it for the rest of the weekend.

It's 2:35am and I'm having a hard time sleeping. Something that was going on tonight left me on edge when i exited the situation. Either something big was going down, or it was my usual sense of paranoia. Either way, the mind is still active. Day 55 without Alcohol is a pretty cool thing. I'm finding overall I'm feeling healthier. My digestion is improving and my skin is clearing up. My next big feat is going to be quitting THC. I have a good plan for quitting. And overall I don't feel like it will be to difficult. I've been nervous about it because i put together a basic coloration: If the brain has nicotine receptors.... and it's lack of nicotine in the nicotine receptors, that trigger the cravings on a smoker when they go without nicotine, does it not stand to reason that if the brain has cannabis receptors in the brain, when the lack of cannabis in the cannabis receptors in the brain happens, does that not trigger a withdrawal like symptom? Honestly, I...

 So, the goal of quitting Alcohol, Cigarettes, and THC is a bit harder than one would imagine. What i am finding is that the fact that i still have Weed.... Means I keep smoking Weed. But with that said.... I can only smoke weed on day's I'm not working... and considering I've smoked weed nearly every day this week... it's meant I haven't been able to work. Weed and Cigarettes sorta go hand-in-hand. While i don't have to smoke a bowl every time I smoke a cigarette, i do find that every time i smoke a bowl, i end up having a cigarette. Surprisingly I find that quitting drinking was far easier than giving up either Cigarettes or THC. It may be that i wasn't truly addicted to Alcohol... or it may be that because the worst of the withdrawal symptoms were over the course of the first week... being several weeks sober now I dont reflect on the negative aspects of the quitting. In theory i should do the same for Tobacco and THC. THC is easier to quit because you ha...

A rapid change in priorities has me on the fence regarding quitting both Cannabis and Tobacco sooner than the 90 Day minimum as i had originally planned. With that said, going nearly 50 days sober has been good for me. My skin is clearing up (I was prone to acne while drinking beer), and overall my weight is slowly dropping (Down to 226.4lbs from 230lb+ at the start of the journey).  Overall, I am optimistic regarding the situation. I was originally shooting for the 90 day mark with quitting Nicotine entirely, but i feel that it should be something achievable in the next few days. While Cannabis generally costs less (1 8th costing between $15 and $30) vs $16.00 for a single pack of cigarettes. I feel that in the near future it might be worth while to buy a half ounce.... and then when that runs out call it a day on cannabis. (Odd for someone who ran www.gethighri.com, right?) I have formally left my job as of last week. The situation was becoming to dangerous. One guy was constantl...

For some reason I thought things would get easier simply by quitting alcohol, but what I'm finding is that I'm struggling far worse now than when i was having a few drinks on the weekends. I know the old saying goes: "It's always darkest before the dawn." But, as someone who feels like they've been in the dark for years... I'm questioning when twilight will hit and the sunrise will be on the horizon. It's a general sense of restlessness that has taken over to be honest. A sense that what I'm doing isn't what I want to be doing. After the struggles of last year I know that in the worst of scenarios, my wife and I will get through whatever comes our way because we have each other. She knows I'm unhappy. She knows I'm struggling. She knows I want a different life. And I know she is willing to support my decisions whatever they may be.  Something that has dramatically fallen off since I've gotten sober is my personal hygiene. I don'...

This past week was a bit hard for me. Recently, after a mental health episode, i had met with my Mental Health Nurse Practitioner to discuss some things that were going on with me. She told me something that I've had a hard time wrapping my head around. She indicated that I may have been miss diagnosed when i was 23. My symptoms present more like Dissociative Identity Disorder rather than Schizo-affective Disorder. After some time reflecting on this, I believe she is right. When i was little, there were a few traumatic experiences that i lived through and based on what happened immediately afterwards, i would assume DID would be a more likely diagnosis. See, with DID, when the mind attempts to protect itself from traumatic experiences, the child or individual will suffer amnesia. And i can remember at least 3 separate instances from early childhood where my memory ends immediately once the trauma began (Remembering the last moment before the abuse occurred) but then during and afte...

It's Friday. This weekend promises to be busy. I am planning on Uber Driving Saturday and Sunday for 8-12 hours each day. Tomorrow morning I have to clean and prep my car before hitting the road. While I am looking forward to the added income, I know I'll probably be in a bad mood by the end of the weekend. Oddly enough, I've found that money is an awesome motivator, but when I have none my mood fluctuates dramatically. I think its the fact that im working 40 hours (plus 10 hours driving each week) and by payday I have no money left to my name.  I know it has caused a lot of tension between me and my wife, but the problem is the cost of living in Rhode Island (As well as the rest of the North East) is too damn high. I would blame it on my wife's career choices... but i know thats not the root cause. With inflation up nearly 40% since the beginning of the Covid Pandemic in 2019, its hard to remain optimistic when my income hasn't gone up by 40% over the same time per...

Its been quite a few days with mild reflection on recent events. I haven't ended up quitting smoking yet, but i feel like im inching closer to pulling the trigger on quitting Cigarettes for good. The cost of a pack of Marlboro's has exceeded $16.50 at most stores in Rhode Island and that is directly online with minimum wage. While it wouldn't be a problem if I only smoked when I drank (which im no longer drinking) The problem becomes the days I buy two packs of cigarettes. (Or more). Spending $33 dollars... or spending $48.50 on cigarettes in a single day is unreasonable and ultimately where I need to draw the line. Which i feel is what is prompting me to quit sooner than later. If for nothing else than the cost savings.  Things at work haven't been that great lately. The monday before my vacation one of my coworkers called me a Fag. (It doesnt mean you like men, it just means your weak - paraphrasing his words of course). And yesterday when onsite at a client's loc...

Overall I had a good vacation. I got most of the stuff accomplished that I wanted to, as well as had time to relax. Being 15 Days sober as of today, I have found that I am much happier when I'm not drinking (or going through withdrawals) than when i am drinking. This coming week at work promises to be busy. I'll be spending most of Monday Morning going through e-mails and getting caught up on this past week. Then by the afternoon, I'll be off to the races. My next Scheduled Vacation day is my Birthday in November. Between now and then I believe we have labor day off, but that is about it. Maybe columbus Day, but I am not to sure about that.  Over the next few months i do have to take a couple of afternoons off for medical reasons. I am getting an ultrasound on my gallbladder to see if my internal organs are doing OK. I'm prone to gallstones so my doctor ordered the scan. Either i've got a bad gallbladder, as they will be able to detect, or I'm healthy... Either ...

 The past few days of my vacation have been good. I registered my Car Monday, and went for a physical on Tuesday. Wednesday i kinda just slacked off, and Yesterday my wife and I got coffee in the morning at a place where our friend works, then went swimming in a salt water pool, and then went to the movies to see a theatrical release of Hadestown, the Broadway musical. Last night my wife went down to house sit for the remainder of the weekend so me and the cats are flying solo this weekend. Currently i don't have to many plans. My parents requested that I go to dinner with them tonight, but as of right now, i don't know if that is going to happen. My plans for today are to go get a haircut today at 11:00am, then Uber drive for the majority of the afternoon (Noon to 4pm), then stop home and reassess if i am going to go see them or not. It really all depends on two factors. A.) how much money I have earned. and B.) where i am at 4pm. For instance, the other day (Wednesday)... i d...

 It's Tuesday morning. I didn't end up writing yesterday because when i started to write... i got distracted and didn't manage to finish the entry. I am on vacation this week and overall it was a good day yesterday. Today i am hoping will be the same.  Yesterday morning I took my car down to the VIN Check station in Cranston to have my car verified that it wasn't stolen. From there, i briefly went to Goddard Park and found that i could reschedule my DMV Reservation that was originally for today - to yesterday morning. By 11:00am i had the new plates for my car, and by noon the car had been registered with Uber so that i can resume driving as a sub-contractor again. Other than they yesterday was pretty uneventful. Today, I woke up originally around 7:30 but decided to sleep in until about 10. The only thing on my agenda today is to go get a physical. It's at 4:30pm in Warwick.  My wife should be home from work in about 2 hours. She is house sitting for a friend at th...

Im currently sitting outside my Therapists office for a 1pm appointment. It sure has been a hell of a month. I usually see him once a month on Saturdays. Its usually more of a venting session than anything going else but he does provide some useful information. After therapy today I have to hit the bank to deposit some cash, then after that head home. I want to wash my car today so I may fit that in later this afternoon. Tonight, my wife and I are going to go visit some friends. I start my vacation Monday so that is what I am looking forward to.  On my vacation, Tuesday I am going to register my car finally, and on Wednesday I think I am going to get lunch with my father. I probably mentioned this previously but hes about 14 years into a Parkinsons diagnosis so its not always that easy seeing him, but i want to because there wont be to many days left that I can see him without him being to mentally disabled to enjoy it. Thursday I am going with my wife down to my uncle's to go swim...

I forgot my laptop today so I am writing this post on my cell phone. Last Friday night I kinda went all in on Alcohol... and I paid the price during this past week while going through withdrawals. I see now that the worst of it is over. While it generally takes 7 to 21 days for the overall withdrawal symptoms to subside, I feel I have a clearer mind today as a result of giving up the sauce last week. I am going to keep this post brief, but the most important thing I want to do is thank my wife for putting up with me through the worst of it. I also want to thank the rest of my family and friends for supporting me through the last year and a half during my relapse. The reason for the relapse may not make sense to some, but i had a friend verbally attack me for something the guy sitting next to me had said. It threw me into a violent spiral of thoughts because at first I didn't know what the hell i did. Him being a social worker (who also said he thought I was Jesus at one point) and ...

 So I believe I have a plan of action for everything over the course of the next 90 days. My goals in terms of quitting nicotine and quitting THC are going to be outlined below. Since i am past the worst of my alcohol withdrawal symptoms, i feel that i need to make a decent attempt at staying sober for a prolonged period of time before i attempt to move on to either nicotine or THC. So... for the next 90 days, i am going to work on getting us back on track financially first. Based on my projects, we are going to be short for the month of July, but should have a Very small surplus starting in August... Providing that is true, we should be able to start building savings over the next three months with the goal being having a surplus at the end of each month rather than a deficit. The way to accomplish this is to maximize income while reducing expenses. Spending between 20 and 100 dollars a day on alcohol is rough on the bottom line... but now that that's no longer happening... in the...

 I think I'm past the worst of it of the withdrawals. While I had been adamant when arguing with my wife previously that i wasn't an alcoholic... i did find the time period between day 3 and day 5 to be the most difficult, with dramatic mood swings and an attitude of Fuck everything. My only advice i have is that if you drink fairly regularly... and do not consider yourself an alcoholic... it might be worth giving up the sauce for a few days to test whether or not you are. If you find you have cold sweats, tremors, or just racing thoughts in general - you'd be wise to quit entirely for a while because that is a sign that your body is addicted to alcohol... even if you stand by the the fact that you are "not" an alcoholic. Remember - the first step is admitting you have a problem. My mind is in a much better place than it was yesterday, and after having a conversation with my wife yesterday she is going to go easier on me in the future... and i in turn will try to ...

Shit sucks. Simply stated. Since last night ive been having major mood swings and my wife has been attacking me rather than showing compassion. Im the one with a mental disorder while going through alcohol withdrawals. I really dont know what her fucking problem is. But I told her if she doesnt wanna be with me then she doesnt have to be. Maybe thats too harsh or too rash... but I dont want to get attacked everyday anymore. If im supporting the household on my income... and supporting her... then she needs to lay the fuck off. 

This morning didnt go as planned. I was up before my alarm around 4:45am but didnt get out of bed until about 6:00am. I found it kept waking up throughout the night either because my wife and moved a few inches or because one of our cats had started misbehaving. To top it off, my bank account was empty so when I got to the shell station for my normal pack of cigarettes and a red bull I didnt have the money to buy them. Thats the problem with most addiction people dont talk about. Its possible to make great money on your pay day and be completely broke by monday... vice is a huge expense for virtually everyone that participates... and drinking can be even more damaging to the wallet than other vices... because a pack of cigarettes may cost 16 bucks... but thats the equivalent of 1 red bull and vodka with tip... but anyone who is a drinker knows that you dont stop at just one drink. When I got to work I asked my wife to spot me $25 so I could get smokes and a redbull... luckily I went wi...

 Thinking back on my last drinking experience, where i must have drank 6 or 7 Redbull and Vodka's... I am legitimately questioning how day 3-4 are going to go with quitting. I've found that any time in the past that i've attempted this (Say in the last year), i have been met with Massive chills, racing thoughts, bouts of anger, and ultimately relapsed. Right after i had gotten married (Which i might have even written about here), i quit drinking as my new wife had wanted that for me. So i did, for roughly a period of 2 years. There was a guy which brought me to my one and only AA meeting and it was an eye opening experience listing to a man who just got his one year chip and ended up recounting the story of how he nearly lost everything and was not rebuilding after being one year sober. His name.... i don't remember, And i guess thats the point of AA.... is that you shouldn't be going around shouting out its members names. In an effort to be somewhat stable in this ...

Today I feel hopeful that I'll be in a good position to quit alcohol in the long run. Overtime it's for the best, to start with the most destructive addiction first, and then slowly remove all vices. In terms of drugs... i started with nicotine, then moved on to marijuana, then moved on to alcohol... therefore... if i am to quit, i need to go in the reverse order so that it actually works. Otherwise I'll be dead before my 45th birthday. My wife finds it interesting that i have these addictions, knowing that at least two people i have known have died from Alcohol poisoning. Sure, tobacco kills.... but smoking a pack isn't going to kill you in a night. While it might be highly addictive... its not the worst of the three demons. That is why today is day one of no alcohol... and not day one addiction free. If i try to quit drinking.. while also trying to quit smoking cigarettes and pot... i feel I'll end up far worse of than i started. And, as several health care profes...

I presently find myself fighting a tough battle that I didn't realize I was in until now. I would say that I am functionally addicted to both Drugs and Alcohol. Ever since they legalized cannabis in The State of Rhode Island, I have found that I am buying weed at an alarming rate, Sometimes spending $20 - $40 Dollars a day everyday during the week to buy Pre-Rolls so that i can purchase an consume them. While part of me wanted to become a expert on Marijuana, what I am finding is the interaction between the THC and the rest of my mental health medication is quite debilitating. Often times, after smoking I find myself unable to calm down. Constantly racing around to clean up messes that aren't really messes.... but more so things i become hyper obsessed with in the moment. Having a clean house is one thing, but having a clean mind and body is far greater of an achievement. The issue I've found with attempting to quit smoking Cannabis is that usually between day 2 and day 4 o...

Tomorrow i start a new job as a Senior IT Support Engineer. I'm excited by the prospect of working for this company because it's been around for over 20 years. I used to remember hearing their commercials either on the radio or on TV when i was younger. The salary is in the middle of the range that i had given them for what i was willing to offer which was honestly 10k more than i was expecting. I'm cautiously optimistic that i might have a chance of being at this job for longer than a few months. In 2025 i got two jobs but neither one lasted more than a month. I would personally like to be at this job for at least 10 years. 10 years from now I'll be 50... and I'm thinking that if i could stay at a job for that long, it would give both Katie and I a while to enjoy some stability. I am thinking it is going to take around 3-4 years to get us out of the debt that we've been in for quite some time. Most of our debt repayment had to get placed on hold last year becau...

It's snowing outside. We are expecting to get between 12 and 18 inches here in Rhode Island. While the white out conditions are good for relaxing, I would have preferred to start my new Job this coming Monday rather than having it pushed back by a week. With that said, I'm grateful to be starting a new job at all. This feels more like a real job than the last few that i had. There is no 90 day wait period for benefits. They start on Day 1 which gives me some hope that the company i am going to go work for is a real company and not just a few Techs in a room servicing 200 Companies. I realize now that the difference between 10k in salary was me getting a question wrong during the interview. I didn't necessarily get the question wrong... i just didn't know the answer and i told them that i didn't know the answer. It was probably better than telling them the wrong answer and bullshitting it. When it comes to IT terms, it's either true or false.  This week coming up...

We are 7 days into the new year and it reminds me of a game i played with a friend a few times - 7 Days to Die. Now, I'm not saying i have an onslaught of Zombies chasing me around a build your own world game.... but some days it does feel that way. I don't have many goals for 2026 but the ones I do have count. I'm 40, and obese so my first and primary goal is to get my weight back to the "overweight" category. For my height... that is roughly 185 lbs. I haven't yet decided exactly how i am going to lose the 45 lbs to get me to this goal... and considering basically everything i have tried over the last few years has failed.... i figure it's a matter of trying something new and different to get the job done. The first of which is switching all drinking to strictly water. I figure if instead of Red Bull or soda a few times a week... i am only drinking water... it might improve things. And switching out my Morning Cold Brew for Strictly water might help some...