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Ending A Bad Week To Start A New Week

 This past week i struggled quite a bit. I don't know if its a matter of depression or inability to focus... but according to my doctor, it all leads to Smoking Cigarettes. Basically my repeated attempts at quitting smoking have left my system in shock. While I do nicotine replacement therapy (The Patch), I find it that my mood has been fluctuating more than normal these past few weeks. It could be circumstantial, basically a mix of fears and worries over things that I have no control over... Or it could be that the "need" to quit is throwing me into some sort of existential identity Crisis which is taking over my mood. Yesterday I played video games for the first time in a while. It actually went quite well. Both Computer games and Video games were fun to play. While I didnt really start playing until almost 8pm... I was able to complete two missions over the course of four hours.

I will be attempting to create a schedule for myself for monday and tuesday nights. My sister is in from Colorado and this coming Tuesday her & her husband, and my parents are all going out to dinner so i may join them. But for tomorrow night.. i have to think of something productive that i can do that wont cause any issues. I know what i DON'T want to do. And with the million possible things i could do.. I need to just pick one and run with it for the night. Ideally i want to get into a routine for Monday and Tuesday nights that doesnt revolve around spending money.

Options include:

Going to the gym
Studying for Exams
Playing Video Games
Reading
Cleaning the house
Doing Laundry
LiveStreaming (Social media)
Going for a Walk around the neighborhood
Researching New technology / products
Working on my Website
Working on starting my own business

Basically... anything that keeps me from spending money... Smoking cigarettes... or having to much downtime. The problem i found is that downtime... leads to overthinking... Overthinking leads to anxiety and depression... anxiety and depression lead to relapse in terms of spending and smoking... and then that creates dispair and hopelessness... and that leads to anger... and that as we all know leads to the dark side.

All jokes aside. Things will turn around soon. It's just going to take a bit of time.

As i once heard in my head for no reason: "It feels like home in year 3" - Well This is the third year we've lived at our apartment... And for someone that moved virtually every year since he was 20... I'm feeling like our home.... even though its not the biggest and i feel like the neighbors are against me... really is starting to feel like home.

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