Skip to main content

Intrusive Thoughts

 It's tough at the moment for me. I have a series of Intrusive Thoughts which enter my head on a daily basis. These thoughts are mainly from other voices which are calling me some rather bad things. Things you wouldn't want to be associated with in everyday life.  It makes it hard for me to maintain a positive attitude a lot of the time. These thoughts are not something I wish to be associated with. And what's worse... is that twice now the thoughts have manifested into reality in the sense that someone i know will point blank ask me if i am what my internal voices accuse me to be. Needless to say I am having issues with it. In the last few days I've become increasingly agitated. 

While i know i have resources available that can assist me with this type of issue... The fact that i cant get my thoughts under control is something i am not happy about. For instance after a burst of energy this morning i became increasingly upset. Even now i feel frustrated with no probable cause. I dont know if its the supplements i am taking... or if im in fact fed up with my situation. 

What's worse is the fact that i'm going in between sad and angry. It's not easy for me to vocalize my emotions... it really never has been. But the fact that im going from sad to angry makes me think that i'm going to say or do something to the wrong person at the wrong time and end up in a much worse off situation than i am in now. I just wish i knew how to make the voices stop. And aside from Increasing my medications with my doctors approval i dont see i way to counteract this. How do i live a life that im not going to mad about... or sad about... when by all rights and standards the average person would feel content with what i have. Hell... they might even be more than content.


I just dont want to fuck up what i have... and im worried that if i dont get my thoughts under control... then i might end up doing just that.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A lot of planning...

 So, seeing as I'm now out of work again I figure my current system isn't working. If i want to be successful in business and in life, then i need to get my basics down. Recently, I've started making sheets on excel to track what I'm doing everyday. they range everything from Diet and exercise to mood and symptoms. If i don't start tracking this stuff then I'm never going to make progress. While it's easy to put these items into practice using 1000s of apps... i found that just writing it all down on a few excel spreadsheets and tracking it by hand several times a day is a lot easier to remember. And it gets me off my phone. Lately I've be "Doom Scrolling" without any real purpose and what ends up happening is eventually the AI algorithm starts showing me videos of people dying in car crashes. Not exactly what makes me happy ya know. So I've got my lists and that's what I'll be working on for the foreseeable future while i attempt t...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Bit of Hope on a Cloudy Afternoon.

Tonight we are heading over our friends' house to have dinner and hang out for a while. December 10th isn't really a memorable date. But every year around this time of year things start to happen that give tiny moments like these a real feeling of warming. Today even, it was nearly 60 degrees at one point today and it made this brutal cold seem bearable. It's not safe to be outside during the darkest of winter. Cold brings out the worst in people, and overall it's hard to handle because it also brings out the despair in people. Merge the two together and you could be looking at a cold dark society which emerges in the spring jaded working every year to bring happiness into ones life only to suffer the cold dark winter the following year. Today i have hope though. Recently i was inspired after talking with people that care about me. The best part is... a renewed sense of hope can alter the mind in such a way... it's better than any drug or substance that you can use ...
Post a Comment
Read more

No Sooner Did I Say....

 No sooner did i mention that I have a new job, was i laid off for excessive days off. It's really for the birds. Here i am a disabled person who wants to work... and I've had an incredibly hard time hold down a job this year. Whether it be manic episodes due to the medication my doctor put me on, or the company pulling a bait and switch and finding due to that I'm not qualified for the position, to being out sick a couple of days and getting let go... this year has been terrible. While I've had frequent thoughts of a permanent "Out" for myself from this life... it would seem like a waste to get from an unsuccessful suicide attempt in 2008 to giving it another go 17 years later. I feel like if i survived the first attempt... then i must be here on this planet for some reason so i need to make the best of my time. Even in poor health, an optimistic attitude can make the difference between healing or not.   I don't know what my plan is now. But, i know that ...
Post a Comment
Read more