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Symptom Update and Recent Developments

 I'll start off by describing my current mental state and then move on to recent developments in my life.

The auditory hallucinations are not as frequent as they used to be. The man in the basement sounds more like a muffled noise... if anything. Rather than a voice speaking to me directly. When i'm out in public im no longer hearing the out of sight people talking about me at great lengths. If i am picking up bits and pieces of conversations im no longer stringing them together in a storyline that revolves around me... It's kind of nice to be honest. I would say my last episode was when we went out for our 18 month where it sounded like the table next to me knew who i was and was talking negatively about me. Dinner was nice though. My therapist said that i should try to ignore these things because whether or not it was actually happening... there's no point in feeding energy into that kind of negativity. Recently though we went up to Maine and even though there was boat loads of people... i didnt feel the same anxiety that sort of situation would have placed upon me previously. My paranoid thoughts are few and far between. The last being between me and my finance as she's now pulling out of the depression she had been in when i first met her... and as a result she is feeling better about her self and putting herself into new situations with friends. I trust her and i trust her friends... but the situational changes made me a little uncomfortable recently because i wasnt sure how to react... i did overreact but in reality it wasnt a major blow up... just a simple conversation that i needed to voice otherwise it would fester. A little reassurance from the love of my life helped me see that i was just over analyzing the situation a little bit.

As for recent developments... I've started using my fitness pal to lose weight again. I'm down about 1.6 pounds on the week (I just started tracking this week). My goal to be honest is 1lb a week for 100 weeks... that will put me at a healthy 162lbs which is "normal" and healthy for my height. Granted... depending on my muscle mass will determine if that comes to pass. I recently hurt my right shoulder. I'm not sure what happened to it. All of a sudden i started feeling a popping sensation and i couldnt move it behind my back or above my head the same way. Im going to make an appointment for my primary care in a few weeks so that i can go get it checked out. A few people said i might have a torn rotator cuff which is why im not exactly thrilled about getting it checked out. I dont like the thought of surgery and then having to have my arm in a sling for 6 weeks while i recover. Its my right arm to so i need that for virtually everything... from Driving to writing... to eating and typing. I had a brief stint with gambling again... Trying to rush the future didnt pan out so well. I was trying to fast forward some of my goals but the gods saw otherwise. Ive since taken corrective action to resolve the problem. I start another smoking quit attempt tomorrow... 


Thats all for now.


T.A. Michaels

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