T.A. Michaels

Today was an early day for me. I was home by dark which here in RI was around 6:15. There was a bit of hope for tomorrow as I caught a few rays of sunshine on the drive home. It looks like this cloudy weather is going to hold up until Saturday - Then it is supposed to clear up for the weekend. I've decided the 90 days is a good method.... but instead of going 90 days sober... 90 days without nicotine... and then debating about pot after the fact. I'm probably going to do 90 days sober... then 90 days without cannabis.... and then decide on the nicotine. I've had too many half hearted attempts at quitting smoking cigarettes and pot over the last 90 days. Because Cannabis makes me chain smoke cigarettes... it would stand to reason that I should quit the one that makes me chain smoke first... then worry about the actual smoking. Plus... i think atleast part of my mood swings can be linked to pot.... so if i eliminate the pot. i might be in better shape as a result. Either way....

 Overall, Today is a good day. I'm taking today off to focus on house chores. The wife and I reached an agreement that she is going to work 6 hours / 6 days per week (Goal $100), and I am going to work 8 hours / 6 days per week (Goal $200). The goal is $1,800 per week. At least until we get ourselves out of the mess we've made.  I have about 12 more days until I quit smoking Cigarettes. Attempts to "ween" down using replacement therapy like Zyn's hasn't been effective. What i found is then I'm using double the Nicotine. So... I'm going to stick to the original plan of quitting Tobacco at the 90 Day Sober mark.  So, I'm preparing myself to be Nicotine free by October 9th. Then, 90 days after that, I'll take a look at my THC Usage and see if i should eliminate it all together, or if i should just cut down to once a week. Exercise has been on my mind a lot lately. Now that i'm not wet brained... I've been wanting to become more physically ...

Over the last 24 hours the rational part of my mind seems to have made a comeback. I'm actually thinking clearly about our situation for the first time in a long time and realizing it might not be so bleak after all. Realistically speaking, even with a large backlog of debts, it should be possible to pull of out of the damage from drinking over the last two years in less than 3 months. If you asked me a week ago, i would have told you our situation was hopeless. But, after today, I'm realizing that the plan I came up with a month ago, is actually a viable plan. I just need to see it through... and now that the windows are clearer, it's easier to see the destination.

I think I broke my hand this weekend. I was angry and frustrated about life so I punched a dumpster. Luckily, if it is broken, I can still type. I still... haven't touched alcohol. It's interesting right, because as the withdrawals from alcohol only take 5-30 days, the mental rewiring of the mind goes on from 6 months to a year after quitting drinking. What I am finding is that the first things that happened when quitting was all the shit in my life I didn't want in my life, I got rid of. Then... I moved on to a phase of wanting to get rid of all the things that were in my life, that I didn't agree with. Now, I'm staring at a clean slate wondering what I want to add to it. Trying to figure out the things that will help us survive and thrive. I'm thinking about becoming a tradesman. Getting out of I.T. all together and doing something like Rigging or Staging. Or, better yet, work in Consulting. About 3 weeks ago I had a woman indicate she might be able to get me ...

So, last night I threw away my Pipe and my weed. So far i haven't raced to the trash to pull the damn shit out so that i can smoke it again. I'm also not racing off to the dispensary to buy more (Even though i know what I would buy). I'm finding that my first few cigarettes of the day are causing severe coughing fits. So i think in terms of needing to "Cut down" on my smoking.... i really do have to cut down on my smoking. Cannabis is the number one thing that makes me cough... so it would make sense to cut down on that first. I know the original plan was to cut down on the Drinking, then the cigarettes, then the Cannabis.... but i think in terms of what's going to be successful, i should cut down on both the cannabis and cigarettes.... But... Do it sooner than the 90 day / 180 day marks that I was originally shooting for. If i quit cannabis today, and shoot to quit Cigarettes sometime in the next few days... I'll save myself a lot of headaches later on in...

Tomorrow, I am going to wake up, and get my laundry done in the morning. I am hoping that i can get it all accomplished early, so that I don't have to worry about it for the rest of the weekend.

It's 2:35am and I'm having a hard time sleeping. Something that was going on tonight left me on edge when i exited the situation. Either something big was going down, or it was my usual sense of paranoia. Either way, the mind is still active. Day 55 without Alcohol is a pretty cool thing. I'm finding overall I'm feeling healthier. My digestion is improving and my skin is clearing up. My next big feat is going to be quitting THC. I have a good plan for quitting. And overall I don't feel like it will be to difficult. I've been nervous about it because i put together a basic coloration: If the brain has nicotine receptors.... and it's lack of nicotine in the nicotine receptors, that trigger the cravings on a smoker when they go without nicotine, does it not stand to reason that if the brain has cannabis receptors in the brain, when the lack of cannabis in the cannabis receptors in the brain happens, does that not trigger a withdrawal like symptom? Honestly, I...