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Why I'm no longer on Chantix

 While the medication can be good for some, I noticed a stark difference in my thought patterns after the 5 day mark. I had actually gone as long as nine days on the medication but i found that day 8 did not start with a resolving throwing the pack away and moving on into the future with resolve and courage. In fact, it was quite the opposite. By the end of day 8 I had resolved pretty negatively that I was better off dead. The negative attitude i was developing was interfering with my job, and my marriage. I would honestly advise anyone who has Schizoaffective disorder, Bi-Polar type, to stay clear of Chantix as a smoking cessation medication. About three days after coming off the medication i did notice a shift in thinking in a new direction though. I wouldn't say that it reset my thought patterns, but it actually gave me a new hopes and ideas. 

I correlated that my good morning habits in years past wasn't due to not being on the medication or working third shift.... It was actually due to working out. Basically there were two times in the past 20 years when i had good morning habits. Both times i was working out on a regular basis. (4+ times per week). And I've been struggling with my morning routine and habits for the better part of 5 years now.  So... last week... I ended up getting a trial membership to Anytime Fitness and went 3 times. It was enough for me to sign up and try to develop a good routine over the next six months... I'm hoping that consistent (4+ times per week) will increase both my physical Strength and my restfulness so that way I'm actually getting a good nights sleep. At one point earlier this year I was finding that i was awaking up 10-15 times per night (With no memory of it) according to my smart watch. I would wake up exhausted and in shit shape. The steady diet of energy drinks did a number on me overall. 

I'm hoping that exercise will help me resolve all of that... Get me tired at a reasonable hour and also give me the energy to not want to stay asleep and waste the few hours that I get before work. The other hope i have is that eventually i ween down on smoking cigarettes and actually quit. I really want to quit by my birthday because 22 years as a smoking is better than 23 years as a smoker. I feel like it's ingrained in my identity now. But... a good morning routine... will allow me enough time in the morning... to "remember" to put on a nicotine patch and finally quit. 

That's all for now.

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