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Still.

 Our cat Ash is watching out the window patiently  waiting for Katie to come home from work. I'm basically doing the same today. I was waiting on a phone call today which only has about another 45 minutes of happening. Because if it doesn't happen today, I don't know if it ever will. I think I've been blacklisted from IT in the State of Rhode Island due to the fact I've worked for 8 or so Managed Service Providers over the last 10 years and my reputation is far from stellar. It's not that i did bad work... it's more so that each company has it's only portion to hide and me being an insider could be a threat to their organizations. Or at least, that's my guess. We only have enough money for next months rent... After that it's gonna be chaotic around the house and in our lives. My hallucinations have been acting up far worse that usual. I was out in public and heard a woman yell out FRAUD like she was angry at me... even though i have no idea who she was or what she was talking about a moment before hand. I have an angry bar tender yelling in my head a lot... and the Providence Police officer has been a lot of talking lately. All that said... I can't tell if i am a California Psychic or if I've completed cracked up. Either way I've been thinking about suicide lately. Basically a way to get out of the situation and move on into another reality. I mean... what is death if not the passing from this physical realm to some other reality which is either pure light... or pure darkness. The only saving grace is that when i attempted suicide at 22 i failed. Meaning if there is a god and it didn't want me to die when i was 22... Here i am in my final month of my 3rd 13 year cycle wondering why the hell it kept me around. Or maybe i didn't wake up... maybe when i attempted suicide i passed into another reality... neither heaven nor hell... not darkness nor the light... and ended up on some warped timeline where the Villain wins and Evil triumphs over good. That's what happens when i watch the news at least. 

 The only thing i do know... is that Faith is powerful... and i have faith that i didn't die at 22 for a reason. And i have faith my our situation will improve with time. I just need to rain in my impulsiveness long enough for things to work out... because if i keep trying to rush things... I'll be dead before i know it. 

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