So, today marks 61 days since last smoking a cigarette. That's 5 days off of the Nicotine Replacement Therapy (Patches) and I haven't slipped. While this should be a major accomplishment for me, I'm just disappointed that this didn't take place back in 2021 when i initially started to attempt to quit smoking cigarettes. The Money saved over the last 4 years would have been tremendous and it likely would have prevent a whole slew of terrible things from happening over the last few years. Being addicted to Cigarettes is dangerous and the length that people go through to attempt to justify their addictions is ridiculous. Considering Cigarettes cost over $5,000 a year to be a pack a day smoker here in New England... i could have stood to keep the $20,000 that i spent on cigarettes over the last 4 years. What i am doing is finding that I'm having a bit less "Get up and go" and I'm also gaining weight at a rather shitty pace. I know that its just the "adjustment period" But truth be told i was happier at day 20 because then i was losing weight and gainfully employed. No I'm a gig worker and gaining weight... but I'm not spending the $15.05 on cigarettes every day... It doesn't counter balance. Now if i was saving more money than i was spending each day... Say... only spending 10 dollars and saving the 15... eventually i would end up with a net gain rather than a net loss. With that said. I don't have any additional expenses this week until rent is due on the first. So that's the goal. Make enough money so that we can cover rent on the first. I'm finding that no one wants my t-shirts, or my book, so i need to get back to the grinding stone and hope that one of the jobs i am applying for actually comes though. Everything in its own time i guess.
Tonight we are heading over our friends' house to have dinner and hang out for a while. December 10th isn't really a memorable date. But every year around this time of year things start to happen that give tiny moments like these a real feeling of warming. Today even, it was nearly 60 degrees at one point today and it made this brutal cold seem bearable. It's not safe to be outside during the darkest of winter. Cold brings out the worst in people, and overall it's hard to handle because it also brings out the despair in people. Merge the two together and you could be looking at a cold dark society which emerges in the spring jaded working every year to bring happiness into ones life only to suffer the cold dark winter the following year. Today i have hope though. Recently i was inspired after talking with people that care about me. The best part is... a renewed sense of hope can alter the mind in such a way... it's better than any drug or substance that you can use ...
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