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How To Come Back From Addiction

I presently find myself fighting a tough battle that I didn't realize I was in until now. I would say that I am functionally addicted to both Drugs and Alcohol. Ever since they legalized cannabis in The State of Rhode Island, I have found that I am buying weed at an alarming rate, Sometimes spending $20 - $40 Dollars a day everyday during the week to buy Pre-Rolls so that i can purchase an consume them. While part of me wanted to become a expert on Marijuana, what I am finding is the interaction between the THC and the rest of my mental health medication is quite debilitating. Often times, after smoking I find myself unable to calm down. Constantly racing around to clean up messes that aren't really messes.... but more so things i become hyper obsessed with in the moment. Having a clean house is one thing, but having a clean mind and body is far greater of an achievement. The issue I've found with attempting to quit smoking Cannabis is that usually between day 2 and day 4 of not smoking i start to suffer severe hallucinations which become far worse as time goes on. While it would stand to reason that my Anti-Psychotic medication is the best solution for dealing with the hallucinations... and it would also stand to reason that once the initial withdrawal period is over, I'll be in better shape. But its the same logic as someone who continues to smoke cigarettes even though they know that after a few days the Nicotine will be out of their system and they will feel much better. For an addict, it is hard to tell yourself in the moment when you have a craving for cigarettes, weed, alcohol, or whatever there drug of choice is.... that If they just abstain, they will feel better in a few weeks once all the junk is out of their system. Many people smoke cannabis and do not become addicted. So it would stand to reason that it's the person and not the drug. That's why some people can drink, smoke, and gamble... and then go months without doing any of them again. And maybe I was that way once too.... but i know that the Anti-Psychotic is known to cause addictive problems in people... So maybe it was either the mental health drugs, the Psychotic disorder, or just life that lead me to a place where i feel strong urges to smoke and drink every day. I know the only thing that is going to improve things is to get clean in all senses of the word. I know that it won't happen overnight. But as my coworker recently said to me when discussing Investments: "The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago, the second best time to plant a tree is today." It only makes sense to being my clean and sober living is today. I think in order to make this work, the first item I am going to do is give up on quitting Cigarettes (For now). I feel that if i focus on Quitting Cannabis and Quitting Alcohol now... while not putting to much pressure on myself to quit my other vices like Nicotine and Redbull, I'll be in a far better place by the end of the year. If i choose today, the last day in April, to quit smoking Cannabis and quit drinking alcohol, I'll be far better off in the end.

 

I'll write more in the future when I have hopefully gone a few weeks without drugs and alcohol, and can report back on my symptoms, and overall mental well being. Wish me luck.  

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