It's 2:11pm in the afternoon and I am finding I am having a bit more trouble than I did yesterday. The ebbs and flows of my symptoms seem to be flaring up right now and I'm not exactly sure why. The passing traffic seems to have a voice of its own. My internal chatter isn't just my own personal voice at the moment but the nightmarish yells of past regrets and actions which may never have occurred. I would say this is one of my more manic states. I've had a hard time sitting down today for more than 20 minutes. I've been all over and haven't really seemed to accomplish much, with the exception of breakfast with my Dad.
I did channel the energy for some good though. I cleaned living space up today, got my State taxes straightened out as there was an issue with them, and I even did a phone interview for a job. I want to get back to work as soon as possible, and while my last attempt at working didn't go so well, I am hoping that I am getting back into a mind set where I can work successfully. One of the requirements of the position is successfully completing a Microsoft Exam within 90 days. I had studied up on the Installing and Configuring Windows Server 2012 exam guide a couple of years back so I may pick the book up again as a refresher. I also had another firm reach out to me which is closer to home after they reviewed my resume online. I'm curious to see what this job has to offer and if they will be contacting me for a phone interview. I would like to be back to work for good by Mid-March the latest. So with all hope I am keeping my fingers crossed that today was just a bad day mentally and that I'll be able to return to work soon.
I had a strange occurrence happen today when I was turning in change at a coinstar near me. It was only about ten bucks... but due to the flood of energy I have I was in a rush to get out of the store. I stood in line behind one old person who was taking to long... and thought another line would be quicker... so I hopped lines and found it was another old person taking to long. When I got back in the original line I "thought" I heard an old woman say "He needs his fix" as I was leaving the store. Now... I'm not one to stereotype... Old/Young, Male/Female, LGBTQ.... but I was a little unnerved at the fact I have been on and off living in this town for years now and that's the way I'm being treated. I'm a hardworking professional with 16 years of IT Experience and while most kids were off enjoying life I was working my ass off. Just because it looked like I had just rolled out of bed doesn't give anyone the right to stereotype me. Further more... The fact I have tattoos is something I wanted... and NO they're not gang tattoos... they all had a meaning to me that I would be happy to explain given someone actually wanted to talk about them. I don't do drugs. I rarely drink alcohol... and my only real vice is smoking cigarettes. Something I am actively trying to quit. I question now if the old woman even said anything... or if its just something that my head made up...
Goals for the coming week do include cutting back on smoking. I'm not saying quitting completely. But maybe trying to go as long as I possibly can with having one at least a few times this week. Another goal is for next Tuesday. I have an in-person interview with the company I spoke to early today and I am hoping that it goes well. The commute is about 60 miles, so it would really be determinate on how much they are paying me. I have a friend who is actively trying to get me into his company and the commute is much shorter. I know the job details so I feel fairly confident that I could preform well in the environment. Lastly, with the additional of another firm reaching out to me today for a phone interview sometime in the future, I am keeping my options open on the job front. The last major goal for this week is to try my best to reduce my worry centered around my girlfriend. I need to start taking things at face value rather than assuming there is some hidden motive behind her actions. It's tough when you have trust issues due to something that happened in the past, but its really painful not being able to let go of those memories in a current relationship. I had been single for nearly 5 years before this relationship. Flying solo meant I could leave my heart guarded and closed from others. But I really do care about my girlfriend, I love her, and I know that I need to let my guard down in order to be able to truly trust her. I know she wouldn't hurt me intentionally... I just fear that one day I'll end up with a broken heart and be afraid to love again. I guess that's a risk you take in love.
That's a very quick update on my status as of today,
-T.A. Michaels
I did channel the energy for some good though. I cleaned living space up today, got my State taxes straightened out as there was an issue with them, and I even did a phone interview for a job. I want to get back to work as soon as possible, and while my last attempt at working didn't go so well, I am hoping that I am getting back into a mind set where I can work successfully. One of the requirements of the position is successfully completing a Microsoft Exam within 90 days. I had studied up on the Installing and Configuring Windows Server 2012 exam guide a couple of years back so I may pick the book up again as a refresher. I also had another firm reach out to me which is closer to home after they reviewed my resume online. I'm curious to see what this job has to offer and if they will be contacting me for a phone interview. I would like to be back to work for good by Mid-March the latest. So with all hope I am keeping my fingers crossed that today was just a bad day mentally and that I'll be able to return to work soon.
I had a strange occurrence happen today when I was turning in change at a coinstar near me. It was only about ten bucks... but due to the flood of energy I have I was in a rush to get out of the store. I stood in line behind one old person who was taking to long... and thought another line would be quicker... so I hopped lines and found it was another old person taking to long. When I got back in the original line I "thought" I heard an old woman say "He needs his fix" as I was leaving the store. Now... I'm not one to stereotype... Old/Young, Male/Female, LGBTQ.... but I was a little unnerved at the fact I have been on and off living in this town for years now and that's the way I'm being treated. I'm a hardworking professional with 16 years of IT Experience and while most kids were off enjoying life I was working my ass off. Just because it looked like I had just rolled out of bed doesn't give anyone the right to stereotype me. Further more... The fact I have tattoos is something I wanted... and NO they're not gang tattoos... they all had a meaning to me that I would be happy to explain given someone actually wanted to talk about them. I don't do drugs. I rarely drink alcohol... and my only real vice is smoking cigarettes. Something I am actively trying to quit. I question now if the old woman even said anything... or if its just something that my head made up...
Goals for the coming week do include cutting back on smoking. I'm not saying quitting completely. But maybe trying to go as long as I possibly can with having one at least a few times this week. Another goal is for next Tuesday. I have an in-person interview with the company I spoke to early today and I am hoping that it goes well. The commute is about 60 miles, so it would really be determinate on how much they are paying me. I have a friend who is actively trying to get me into his company and the commute is much shorter. I know the job details so I feel fairly confident that I could preform well in the environment. Lastly, with the additional of another firm reaching out to me today for a phone interview sometime in the future, I am keeping my options open on the job front. The last major goal for this week is to try my best to reduce my worry centered around my girlfriend. I need to start taking things at face value rather than assuming there is some hidden motive behind her actions. It's tough when you have trust issues due to something that happened in the past, but its really painful not being able to let go of those memories in a current relationship. I had been single for nearly 5 years before this relationship. Flying solo meant I could leave my heart guarded and closed from others. But I really do care about my girlfriend, I love her, and I know that I need to let my guard down in order to be able to truly trust her. I know she wouldn't hurt me intentionally... I just fear that one day I'll end up with a broken heart and be afraid to love again. I guess that's a risk you take in love.
That's a very quick update on my status as of today,
-T.A. Michaels
Comments
Post a Comment