Skip to main content

Symptom check in

I'm still dealing with a bit of paranoid delusions. It seems every where I go I hear music or someone talking about me. I never "see" them talking... I just hear it. It makes it tough to make eye contact anymore. I don't seem to have the problem in one on one sessions however there was an instance two days ago where someone said "I would have if you weren't seeing someone" Meanwhile I did say a word before or after I heard it. I also wasn't making direct eye contact when I heard it. it was in a one on one session so its hard to determine if it was something that actually happened.. or if its just a miss wiring in my braid which triggered an external auditor hallucination. 

My health insurance starts June 1st... So I am hoping that with that I can finally start looking at alternate medication. I have been on the risperidone since the end of the year and it seems like i'm sitting around 40% of my mental sanity. I am hoping that I can work with my doctor to get a higher percentage. When I was discharged out of the hospital in 2008 I had been on Invega and Geodon and that seemed to work the best. At the very least it didn't make me hyper aware of my environment and the auditor hallucinations were low... if anything really. I don't remember having symptoms when I was on the combination of the two medications.

I start up therapy in a week and a half. I'm hoping its helpful. I would hate to waste my time with it.

That's all for now,

-T.A. Michaels

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A lot of planning...

 So, seeing as I'm now out of work again I figure my current system isn't working. If i want to be successful in business and in life, then i need to get my basics down. Recently, I've started making sheets on excel to track what I'm doing everyday. they range everything from Diet and exercise to mood and symptoms. If i don't start tracking this stuff then I'm never going to make progress. While it's easy to put these items into practice using 1000s of apps... i found that just writing it all down on a few excel spreadsheets and tracking it by hand several times a day is a lot easier to remember. And it gets me off my phone. Lately I've be "Doom Scrolling" without any real purpose and what ends up happening is eventually the AI algorithm starts showing me videos of people dying in car crashes. Not exactly what makes me happy ya know. So I've got my lists and that's what I'll be working on for the foreseeable future while i attempt t...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Bit of Hope on a Cloudy Afternoon.

Tonight we are heading over our friends' house to have dinner and hang out for a while. December 10th isn't really a memorable date. But every year around this time of year things start to happen that give tiny moments like these a real feeling of warming. Today even, it was nearly 60 degrees at one point today and it made this brutal cold seem bearable. It's not safe to be outside during the darkest of winter. Cold brings out the worst in people, and overall it's hard to handle because it also brings out the despair in people. Merge the two together and you could be looking at a cold dark society which emerges in the spring jaded working every year to bring happiness into ones life only to suffer the cold dark winter the following year. Today i have hope though. Recently i was inspired after talking with people that care about me. The best part is... a renewed sense of hope can alter the mind in such a way... it's better than any drug or substance that you can use ...
Post a Comment
Read more

No Sooner Did I Say....

 No sooner did i mention that I have a new job, was i laid off for excessive days off. It's really for the birds. Here i am a disabled person who wants to work... and I've had an incredibly hard time hold down a job this year. Whether it be manic episodes due to the medication my doctor put me on, or the company pulling a bait and switch and finding due to that I'm not qualified for the position, to being out sick a couple of days and getting let go... this year has been terrible. While I've had frequent thoughts of a permanent "Out" for myself from this life... it would seem like a waste to get from an unsuccessful suicide attempt in 2008 to giving it another go 17 years later. I feel like if i survived the first attempt... then i must be here on this planet for some reason so i need to make the best of my time. Even in poor health, an optimistic attitude can make the difference between healing or not.   I don't know what my plan is now. But, i know that ...
Post a Comment
Read more