Skip to main content

Still Working on adjusting

Today I signed up for healthcare. Based on the tax credit its not to expensive for me to afford. Roughly $70 a month for Health and Dental. The plus side of this is that I have a $5 copay for all my office visits with my Medication manager. Considering the fact that at one point I was paying $125 dollars for each visit its a good thing. I can also now look into getting a therapist for some of my trust and abandonment issues. I had been seeing one last October but had to stop when I lost coverage. I've been a little stressed lately with everything that's going on. Last night it sounded like someone was walking up and down the back stairs which only seemed to happen when I was alone in the house. When my girlfriend came over the noise stopped. I'm not sure if it was real or not. The downstairs neighbors had a cinco de mayo party which lasted until midnight. I'm not up for meeting the neighbors yet considering everything I was hearing. Whether it was real or not i'm not sure... but due to elevated stress levels right now I've been hearing a lot of things that I don't believe are real.

I went food shopping and got some additional supplies for the house. Still forgetting some items when I go out. for example trash bags and cleaning supplies. I worked on a budget and a list of items I want to get to before the end of the month. I'm curious when they are going to be reopening the gyms because I would like to go in the near future. I gained about 20lbs since January and am desperate to get the weight off. I'm also hoping that with me living on my own I can make better choices with my diet. If I could be down the 20 pounds I gained by the end of the summer I would be really happy about it.

We are gonna have rain tomorrow. Cold and wet day here in new England. I'm going to do another quit smoking attempt when I run out of cigarettes (Tomorrow). I figure that right now I need to be conserving money seeing as I am now on a fixed income. It's one less thing I don't want to worry about right now.

That's all for now,

-T.A. Michaels

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A lot of planning...

 So, seeing as I'm now out of work again I figure my current system isn't working. If i want to be successful in business and in life, then i need to get my basics down. Recently, I've started making sheets on excel to track what I'm doing everyday. they range everything from Diet and exercise to mood and symptoms. If i don't start tracking this stuff then I'm never going to make progress. While it's easy to put these items into practice using 1000s of apps... i found that just writing it all down on a few excel spreadsheets and tracking it by hand several times a day is a lot easier to remember. And it gets me off my phone. Lately I've be "Doom Scrolling" without any real purpose and what ends up happening is eventually the AI algorithm starts showing me videos of people dying in car crashes. Not exactly what makes me happy ya know. So I've got my lists and that's what I'll be working on for the foreseeable future while i attempt t...

A Bit of Hope on a Cloudy Afternoon.

Tonight we are heading over our friends' house to have dinner and hang out for a while. December 10th isn't really a memorable date. But every year around this time of year things start to happen that give tiny moments like these a real feeling of warming. Today even, it was nearly 60 degrees at one point today and it made this brutal cold seem bearable. It's not safe to be outside during the darkest of winter. Cold brings out the worst in people, and overall it's hard to handle because it also brings out the despair in people. Merge the two together and you could be looking at a cold dark society which emerges in the spring jaded working every year to bring happiness into ones life only to suffer the cold dark winter the following year. Today i have hope though. Recently i was inspired after talking with people that care about me. The best part is... a renewed sense of hope can alter the mind in such a way... it's better than any drug or substance that you can use ...

No Sooner Did I Say....

 No sooner did i mention that I have a new job, was i laid off for excessive days off. It's really for the birds. Here i am a disabled person who wants to work... and I've had an incredibly hard time hold down a job this year. Whether it be manic episodes due to the medication my doctor put me on, or the company pulling a bait and switch and finding due to that I'm not qualified for the position, to being out sick a couple of days and getting let go... this year has been terrible. While I've had frequent thoughts of a permanent "Out" for myself from this life... it would seem like a waste to get from an unsuccessful suicide attempt in 2008 to giving it another go 17 years later. I feel like if i survived the first attempt... then i must be here on this planet for some reason so i need to make the best of my time. Even in poor health, an optimistic attitude can make the difference between healing or not.   I don't know what my plan is now. But, i know that ...