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It's been a while

I got a new laptop today. My old one was sold because i was running low on money and needed something to tide me over. A lots changed since my last post.

I started the job with my friend. He's actually the one that sold me this laptop. I think it was a fair deal. The new job is good. It's at a non profit that specializes in helping those in need. The position is a hybrid position. Basically its a combination of system administration and help desk. There's three people in the department including my friend. My coworker seems to be a good guy. Likes politics and the stock market. Those are two good topics of conversation in my book. Part of the job involves going to the satellite offices and doing computer troubleshooting and equipment installations. The pay isn't the best, in comparison to some of the other positions I've had over the years. But... considering the fact I'm still dealing with psychotic symptoms on and off I find that the work environment is not as stressful as the last job I was working. Symptoms have remained low with the exception of yesterday. I think it was triggered due to an issue the day before when I was at Walmart. I had to pick up my medication and there was a series of coincidences that led me to get triggered... and it didn't wear off until today.

My relationship is in a transition phase. My girlfriend volunteered for a Covid test site so she has a set schedule every day now. The problem is that we are seeing less of each other which leads me to have bad dreams about infidelity. I told her i would keep these thoughts to myself because we've had a few arguments about it. I am suppose to be going back into therapy for that issue.. but my insurance keeps getting screwed up so i don't know when I'll actually make it back into therapy I know I have insurance through my employer starting on October 1st. so i may just wait it out and see what happens. I just hope that our relationship doesn't hit to many bumps in the road between now and then. It seems like we are both having a hard time adjusting because now we see each other less than before. When i was out of work... i saw her when she got out of work... and i would be there with her when we went to bed. I feel like the relationship is devolving but she reassures me that she's not going to fall out of love with me. 

The kittens are getting big. Right now they are sleeping in their pen. I'd say they are about 1/2 their adult size by now. I've been having an issue with my weight lately. Not to get into details about the problem... but i need to start curbing my eating habits. I'm averaging between 2000 and 6000 steps a day and i know that isn't enough to lose or maintain my current weight. Its the reason i keep gaining weight. I recently read a journal entry from last July indicating that i was 204... this week i weighed in at 242.6. It makes me rather disheartened to see that i let myself get this obese. I have said all week that i wanted to go to the gym... i just haven't gone for fear of judgement. Funny because i belong to the judgement free zone. But i know that i need to go otherwise the weight will continue to increase. I just don't find the same motivation i once did. My girlfriend has started to lose weight... which i am proud of her for. I just know that i need to go for a few weeks and then once I'm going I'll keep the routine up. There is a gym literally a mile from my work. I just haven't gone yet. This weekend we are going to get a hotel room and spend the day doing nature walks. So i am hoping that it will jump start me to head to the gym. I am planning on going Sunday during the day... Then if i can keep it up i will be doing it several times a week. Even if its just for a half hour the first few weeks... it will add up over time.

That's all for today,

T.A. Michaels

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