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Will I Ever Be Content?

 I don't want to say I'm having a bad day, because I'm not. I just always seem to get myself into trouble when it's not needed. Work today has been tough. I had a hard time getting something accomplished just to find out that it's not our responsibility to fix it. I did do a better job of waking up this morning. I got up by 8:30am instead of pushing it off till the last minute like I've done all week. I still haven't showered yet though. I haven't had the motivation. With any luck I'll be doing that tonight when i get home from walking with Katie. We have both started to lose weight. She's lost more than I have this week. I'm down to 260.4lbs. My lowest since last fall. I'm hoping to break the 260lb threshold by this weekend. It would be nice to see a 5 instead of a 6... even if its only for a few days. I skipped on the gym last night, and instead we went for a walk by the ocean. I'm hoping to hit the gym sometime this coming week. Originally I was thinking that I would go to the gym early around 7:00am... But I don't think that is possible. So instead we will shoot for 7:00pm when I get out of work. 

I'm going to start donating plasma for some extra cash. I have to see if I'm qualified to Donate plasma first. So Saturday Morning I am going to the plasma center to get an eval to see if I qualify. The whole process should take about three hours. So I plan on having my phone fully charged. Its about $50 dollars a visit based on the site... and you can go twice a week. So if all goes well.. its an extra $400 a month that I'll have. This will help out a lot because it will fill in the weeks where I don't get a paycheck with at least a little extra money. Also, I'm going to start charging my uncle for the Labor that I do at his house. While its a kind gesture to do it for free. Financially I need something for the time... Even if its just to cover Gas and Breakfast with. 

I'm on Day 4 of no cigarettes. I started Sunday night at 8pm and have been going strong all week. I have Decided to work from home this week because I'll have less temptation to Smoke. I've been finding this week as being unusually stressful in comparison to the past few weeks and I don't know if that's due to quitting smoking... Or if its just that this week's issues are more challenging than usual. I figure if I can get to the 7 day mark then I should be in a good position to quit all together. $715.12 is the cost of 1 pack a day for the duration of the 56 Day Patch program. Considering I have more than 56 days worth of patches currently... it makes sense to save the money. 

I figured out that if I don't smoke cigarettes... I don't drink alcohol... I skip my morning coffee... and I only fill my tank once a week... I would overall not spend a total of 10k for the next year. I figure if I Set this from May 2022 to April 2023... I would be in a position to pay off nearly all of my debt by the end of next year. I know that sounds like wishful thinking... But it's what I am hoping to accomplish. I just need to spend the next 3 months saving my money... in order to build up enough of a buffer for myself so that I don't feel as stressed out about money anymore.

Tomorrow I meet with my med manager. And the change from 6mg to 4mg's of the Risperidone hasn't been that noticeable. No major mood episodes or Psychotic events... With the exception of God Talking to me late Monday night. Definitely an Auditory Hallucination... But I think that it was triggered due to me obsessing about fixing my financial situation. Anxiety and stress seem to trigger these episodes so the best method for resolution is to reduce stress. Easy enough for someone who's not constantly overthinking about all the problems in his life. That... was a joke. 


That's all for now

T.A. Michaels.

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