One of the hardest part about having a mental health issue is having a happy stable relationship. The reason for this is pretty simple. While on the outside everything may look fine and dandy. On the inside, one or both people involved in the relationship is dealing with internal issues that they are trying desperately to keep under control so that it doesn't effect the relationship. There are two questions that come to mind when it comes to relationships.
1.) At what point in the dating game do you open up to the person you are dating regarding your mental health condition?
2.) Is it worth being open and honest about everything that is going through ones mind even if the possible repercussions of the honesty will cause friction or tension in the relationship?
To answer question one... I will start from personal experience. In general, I have always been honest about my mental health condition. To friends, strangers, and potential relationship partners. I had several relationships since I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder and I have found that while the relationships themselves are extremely fragile, it is best to get the disclosure out of the way during the first few dates with the person. To me this allows them the time to research the condition (if they want to) in order to know what they are getting themselves into. There are so many articles on depression and anxiety that I am nearly convinced that everyone is familiar with it, has lived with it at one point or another, or has a friend or family member that suffers with it. Schizoaffective disorder is slightly different. It effects less people than any other mental disorder. It is one of the most severe mental disorders. Also, it takes a lot of time and energy for me to process through certain emotions when I am in a spiral because what seems rational to me in the moment turns out to be something completely unjustified after the fact. If you are up front and honest with the person in the very beginning... then with any luck there will be a lot of love and forgiveness in the relationship. Because both people will have an understanding that the person who is experiencing mental illness is suffering from something that they have no control over. That the person doesn't want to experience these emotions and thoughts. Also that the person is actually in pain nearly every day. If both people in the relationship come from this perspective then it will help them develop a deeper bond with love and trust.
To answer question two... I don't have good advice. I find that often times when I bring up something that bothers me it can go one of two ways... Either I am comforted on why what I am thinking or hearing is not real, which can be extremely frustrating for my girlfriend, as she doesn't understand fully why I am reacting in the way that I am. But this frustration can also lead to anger on the part of my girlfriend if after several attempts to reassure me on the same topic... it still bothers me. I assume sometimes she wishes that I was normal in the sense that intrusive thoughts wouldn't constantly be bothering me. While she knows I have no control over the situation. I'm sure that she would prefer me in this instance not to have any mental disorder because then she would not have to deal with my constant assumptions about a situation which hasn't happened. Sometimes I think I should just keep my mouth shut about the situations that my head creates.... but I always thought that when communication breaks down that's when a relationship will end. Maybe that's an assumption I'm wrong about too.
That's all for today, Comments welcome.
-T.A. Michaels
1.) At what point in the dating game do you open up to the person you are dating regarding your mental health condition?
2.) Is it worth being open and honest about everything that is going through ones mind even if the possible repercussions of the honesty will cause friction or tension in the relationship?
To answer question one... I will start from personal experience. In general, I have always been honest about my mental health condition. To friends, strangers, and potential relationship partners. I had several relationships since I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder and I have found that while the relationships themselves are extremely fragile, it is best to get the disclosure out of the way during the first few dates with the person. To me this allows them the time to research the condition (if they want to) in order to know what they are getting themselves into. There are so many articles on depression and anxiety that I am nearly convinced that everyone is familiar with it, has lived with it at one point or another, or has a friend or family member that suffers with it. Schizoaffective disorder is slightly different. It effects less people than any other mental disorder. It is one of the most severe mental disorders. Also, it takes a lot of time and energy for me to process through certain emotions when I am in a spiral because what seems rational to me in the moment turns out to be something completely unjustified after the fact. If you are up front and honest with the person in the very beginning... then with any luck there will be a lot of love and forgiveness in the relationship. Because both people will have an understanding that the person who is experiencing mental illness is suffering from something that they have no control over. That the person doesn't want to experience these emotions and thoughts. Also that the person is actually in pain nearly every day. If both people in the relationship come from this perspective then it will help them develop a deeper bond with love and trust.
To answer question two... I don't have good advice. I find that often times when I bring up something that bothers me it can go one of two ways... Either I am comforted on why what I am thinking or hearing is not real, which can be extremely frustrating for my girlfriend, as she doesn't understand fully why I am reacting in the way that I am. But this frustration can also lead to anger on the part of my girlfriend if after several attempts to reassure me on the same topic... it still bothers me. I assume sometimes she wishes that I was normal in the sense that intrusive thoughts wouldn't constantly be bothering me. While she knows I have no control over the situation. I'm sure that she would prefer me in this instance not to have any mental disorder because then she would not have to deal with my constant assumptions about a situation which hasn't happened. Sometimes I think I should just keep my mouth shut about the situations that my head creates.... but I always thought that when communication breaks down that's when a relationship will end. Maybe that's an assumption I'm wrong about too.
That's all for today, Comments welcome.
-T.A. Michaels
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