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Day 85: Zero Alcohol

Today is a good day. I've decided to quit THC products rather than quitting Nicotine. I feel the next 90 days would be better spent getting my head clear rather than quitting an addictive substance. With that said, i am planning on quitting both in the near future. For THC Products - I've decided not to buy any more, and I've already thrown out what I had. I feel that as long as I am not in an environment where I am exposed to THC, then i will be able to successfully quit. While I'm not officially quitting until the 90-day sober mark, It makes sense for me to start making the changes now. Most people say Cannabis isn't addictive.... but on the very logic that Nicotine is addictive because it interacts with the Nicotine receptors in the brain.... Then it would stand to reason that cannabis is addictive due to the cannabis receptors in the brain. Over the next several weeks I'll outline any and all withdrawal symptoms I am having. And hopefully you notice a marked change in my thinking at the 30/60/90 day marks. Today, is my first day without cannabis. Depending on how the day goes - I may float until the 90 days sober before actually quitting (Meaning I'll by a Pre-roll occasionally for the next five days). But, my goal is to sober up and go clean, So i don't see why i would spend to much time trying to fight what i want. There is some question on if this is what i really want. But i see nothing gained over the last 5 years of smoking Cannabis. Except for maybe headaches. 

My wife is leaving again for a few days to go house sit. While these types of situations have caused me to relapse in the past. I know that she is not leaving for good. So it stands to reason that i shouldn't stress to much about it. Her intention isn't to leave me. So i shouldn't worry about her leaving me. We make our 4 year anniversary in just a few days. It's crazy to think that 4 years went by that fast. The first two years were good.... The last 2 years have been difficult between me being out of work and her having to leave her job and finding something else that she enjoyed doing that wasn't to hard on her health. If this week works out, then hopefully we will be able to do something for our anniversary outside of just sitting at home getting take out. 2 years ago we went up to Boston and enjoyed ourselves. And while i know we don't have the money financially to do so, it would be nice to have a quiet day and do something special together. 

I feel that i am going to get into writing more often either as a hobby or just to vent about life. I sorta kicked my therapist to the curb because I was really gaining nothing from him, and he always tried to twist the situation to make my wife look like the problem. Basically saying that she was causing my mental health to get worse overtime and that the stresses she put me through were the root cause of my problem. But i don't feel that is the case, and it doesn't make sense for me to see a therapist who is going to give me bad advice. I figure I'll get back into therapy when i have a full time job, and I'll focus on finding a Therapist or Psychiatrist who is trained in EMDR Therapy and has experience with DID. That way we can find out once and for all if I'm Schizo-affective or if I have Disassociative Identity Disorder. 

Overall today is a good day - And I'm hoping this week turns out better than I could ask for.

 

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