Skip to main content

Day 71: No Alcohol.

I think I broke my hand this weekend. I was angry and frustrated about life so I punched a dumpster. Luckily, if it is broken, I can still type. I still... haven't touched alcohol. It's interesting right, because as the withdrawals from alcohol only take 5-30 days, the mental rewiring of the mind goes on from 6 months to a year after quitting drinking. What I am finding is that the first things that happened when quitting was all the shit in my life I didn't want in my life, I got rid of. Then... I moved on to a phase of wanting to get rid of all the things that were in my life, that I didn't agree with. Now, I'm staring at a clean slate wondering what I want to add to it. Trying to figure out the things that will help us survive and thrive. I'm thinking about becoming a tradesman. Getting out of I.T. all together and doing something like Rigging or Staging. Or, better yet, work in Consulting.

About 3 weeks ago I had a woman indicate she might be able to get me a position at her company doing I.T.. So I think sometime this week I am going to stop by her office, drop off my resume in person, and try to talk to her boss to see if I'd have a chance of getting a job. I know 99% of jobs are done via A.I. and Job Boards.... but I'm thinking the old doorbell ring might be just as effective. Either way the goal is to have a job of reasonable worth by the end of the week. Anything making $24 an hour will be enough to support the household.... because honestly it was enough to support the household 5 years ago when we first moved in. Rent may have gone up... The cost of utilities may have gone up... but it would be enough. 

I had a guy try to bully me the other day. This guy Bob MacDonald told me "12 people called the F.B.I. on you thinking you were the Brown Mass Shooter." At first i got pissed off... knowing that everyone in this state remembers everything. But, then I realized he was wrong. 13 people called the F.B.I. - Not 12. I had called them a few days after the shooter was found, told them my name, told them that apparently people had reported me, and that I was just looking for Peace of Mind to know if I was in trouble (Honestly, if they asked to stop by their Field Office, I would have.) The agent I spoke to said no, for my peace of mind, there was nothing for me to worry about. Since having this revelation.... that it was 13 people that called in total.... and not the 12 that Bob had claimed, he stopped having the ability to influence me. Which is crazy, because he was the guy that caused me to relapse on drinking after being sober for two years. I've encountered him a couple of times in the last 71 days.... and the comment about the F.B.I. took place only a few weeks ago. But I didn't break my sobriety. 

I got Sober for my wife. But, I'm going to stay sober for us. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Bit of Hope on a Cloudy Afternoon.

Tonight we are heading over our friends' house to have dinner and hang out for a while. December 10th isn't really a memorable date. But every year around this time of year things start to happen that give tiny moments like these a real feeling of warming. Today even, it was nearly 60 degrees at one point today and it made this brutal cold seem bearable. It's not safe to be outside during the darkest of winter. Cold brings out the worst in people, and overall it's hard to handle because it also brings out the despair in people. Merge the two together and you could be looking at a cold dark society which emerges in the spring jaded working every year to bring happiness into ones life only to suffer the cold dark winter the following year. Today i have hope though. Recently i was inspired after talking with people that care about me. The best part is... a renewed sense of hope can alter the mind in such a way... it's better than any drug or substance that you can use ...
Post a Comment
Read more

A lot of planning...

 So, seeing as I'm now out of work again I figure my current system isn't working. If i want to be successful in business and in life, then i need to get my basics down. Recently, I've started making sheets on excel to track what I'm doing everyday. they range everything from Diet and exercise to mood and symptoms. If i don't start tracking this stuff then I'm never going to make progress. While it's easy to put these items into practice using 1000s of apps... i found that just writing it all down on a few excel spreadsheets and tracking it by hand several times a day is a lot easier to remember. And it gets me off my phone. Lately I've be "Doom Scrolling" without any real purpose and what ends up happening is eventually the AI algorithm starts showing me videos of people dying in car crashes. Not exactly what makes me happy ya know. So I've got my lists and that's what I'll be working on for the foreseeable future while i attempt t...
Post a Comment
Read more

No Sooner Did I Say....

 No sooner did i mention that I have a new job, was i laid off for excessive days off. It's really for the birds. Here i am a disabled person who wants to work... and I've had an incredibly hard time hold down a job this year. Whether it be manic episodes due to the medication my doctor put me on, or the company pulling a bait and switch and finding due to that I'm not qualified for the position, to being out sick a couple of days and getting let go... this year has been terrible. While I've had frequent thoughts of a permanent "Out" for myself from this life... it would seem like a waste to get from an unsuccessful suicide attempt in 2008 to giving it another go 17 years later. I feel like if i survived the first attempt... then i must be here on this planet for some reason so i need to make the best of my time. Even in poor health, an optimistic attitude can make the difference between healing or not.   I don't know what my plan is now. But, i know that ...
Post a Comment
Read more