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20 Days Sober

It's Friday. This weekend promises to be busy. I am planning on Uber Driving Saturday and Sunday for 8-12 hours each day. Tomorrow morning I have to clean and prep my car before hitting the road. While I am looking forward to the added income, I know I'll probably be in a bad mood by the end of the weekend. Oddly enough, I've found that money is an awesome motivator, but when I have none my mood fluctuates dramatically. I think its the fact that im working 40 hours (plus 10 hours driving each week) and by payday I have no money left to my name. 

I know it has caused a lot of tension between me and my wife, but the problem is the cost of living in Rhode Island (As well as the rest of the North East) is too damn high. I would blame it on my wife's career choices... but i know thats not the root cause. With inflation up nearly 40% since the beginning of the Covid Pandemic in 2019, its hard to remain optimistic when my income hasn't gone up by 40% over the same time period. I would say that the only solution is to earn more money because radically changing the government to lower prices and fix the housing crisis is not a viable option for one single person. 

So, im reviving www.deadstoners.com, rewriting my manuscript, and Uber Driving on weekends that I'm not on-call... in addition to my 50+ hour work weeks. I'm the man in the relationship and the man has to be the provider. Even though my wife and I don't have kids... its fallen on me to assume all responsibility for the household. With my wife offloading all financial responsibility to me, the added stress has often tempted me to "check out" as it were. But knowing that there are fates worse than death has gotten me this far, so I might as well not give up now. 

My hope is for a windfall or generous benefactor who hears one of my 5 business plans and ventures and wants to invest. The problem is right now none of my active ventures are earning income so on the books they look like they are a waste of time, energy, and money. Hopefully before the fall our finances improve. I know that I shouldn't be "wishing" for anything. And the only way to earn a dollar is through sweat equity. Which is why im willing to put in the work even if it kills me in the process. My therapist says its to much for me to handle. That it shouldn't be solely me that worries about the financial side because I'm married. But my wife didn't want to know, so I'm simply going to do my best for the next 10 years and hope for a blessing somewhere in the near future.

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